‘Blindsided’: Rachael Kirkconnell on the ‘red flags’ she missed with Matt James
Rachael Kirkconnell is sharing what really led to her breakup with Matt James.
During an appearance on the Jan. 28 episode of the “Call her Daddy” podcast, Kirkconnell said the breakup was a surprise to her, as was James’ decision to post about their split on Instagram Jan. 16 just hours after it happened.
The couple met on Season 25 of “The Bachelor,” where James was the lead and Kirkconnell his final rose pick.
This is not their first breakup. The couple also split in 2021 after racially insensitive photos of Kirkconnell at an antebellum-themed party in 2018 sparked controversy, and led to an apology from Kirkconnell. James was the series’ first Black male lead. The couple reunited after the “Bachelor” finale.
Kirkconnell made it clear that infidelity didn’t play a role in their second breakup. “He’s not a cheater,” she said.
But she did go into what caused the breakup that “blindsided” her, including the “red flag” she said she missed.
“He said that he didn’t want to live together until we were married. He’s a very religious man so I was like, ‘That’s OK. I can do that.’ But at the same time I’m a little confused because we’re still you know traveling together, staying in the same hotel and it was like we were living together,” she said.
In hindsight, Kirkconnell said she now believes she was “making excuses” for James.
“I also think it was me trying to justify it just because I didn’t want to worry like, ‘Well, is this fear of taking the next steps?'” she said.
At the same time, the former couple regularly spoke about starting a family and had recently discussed engagement rings.
“(Talking about rings) was a big deal, I would say. That’s when I was like, ‘Wow, OK, he really is on board with this.’ That was such a green flag to me,” she said.
Kirkconnell said that talks of marriage “did scare him” at first, making her wonder about the future of their relationship.
“I asked myself, ‘Is it me or is it him? Is it something that he needs to figure out? Is there something that scares him? Is there something that he went through growing up that he has this trauma now, or am I just not his perfect person?” she said.
On Jan. 16, James shared an Instagram post announcing his breakup with Kirkconnell after four years together.
“Father God, give Rachael and I strength to mend our broken hearts. Give us a peace about this decision to end our relationship that transcends worldly understanding,” he captioned the post. “Shower our friends and family with kindness and love to comfort us. And remind us that our Joy comes from you, Lord 💔.”
During her appearance on “Call Her Daddy,” Kirkconnell shared some specifics about how the breakup unfolded.
After getting into a simple argument, the couple had a longer conversation about the future of their relationship.
“It was just one of those things where he, I think, just had this realization that, ‘I should want to propose to you by this time. At this point in our relationship, I should be wanting those things and I should be ready for that but I’m not still. I still don’t feel like we’re ready or I don’t feel like I’m ready. I don’t know if I ever see myself proposing to you. I can’t actually see myself married to you,'” she said.
Kirkconnell told James that he should feel ready after four years together. The couple decided to go their separate ways.
“He just said, ‘You’re beautiful, smart and funny and you’ll find someone. You’ll find a guy that will love you for you.’ But yeah, he just didn’t think it was him,” she said.
Kirkconnell said she heard about James’ breakup post on Instagram from a friend while she was on a flight.
“I’m freaking out because I just got broken up with and now a few hours later it’s for the whole world to see and I’m still trying to process it. I’m still in total shock,” she said.
Kirkconnell also had a theory about why James decided to format the breakup post the way he did.
“It almost seemed like saying it like a prayer was the easier way to say it than to say something real … just something authentic to our actual relationship. But it’s very him. I guess it didn’t surprise me that he said it like that. I was just surprised that he said it at all, that he posted that,” she said.
